Perhaps you’ve heard the phrase “sit with the feeling” or “make space for the feeling” or “ride the wave of emotion” and wondered “what the heck is that supposed to mean?! How do I do that?!
Emotion can be uncomfortable, it can feel intense and overwhelming. Yet, it’s an important part of being human and our emotions are meant to be felt and experienced. It can seem like our emotions will go forever in the moment, but the intensity of a core emotion will only last around 90 seconds. That’s it!
Our emotions come and go like waves on the ocean. Which means, when we allow ourselves to observe and feel the emotion, without trying to fight it or change it, the emotion will naturally dissipate like an ocean wave being pulled back out to sea. So by learning to ‘ride the wave’ of emotion we can experience the feeling and let it dissipate within a couple minutes. Some feelings of relief or relaxation typically follow.
A big part of riding the wave of emotion is paying attention to the physical sensations that accompany the feeling. This is because our emotions will show up as a physical sensation first and then thoughts and images show up after the physical sensation. So, while we will have thoughts and images with our emotions we want to let ourselves feel the physical sensations of the emotions because emotion is a very physical experience.
The physical sensations might be a heaviness in the stomach, a tightness in the chest, temperature increase, quicker heartbeat, restless hands and feet. What physical sensations do you notice right now as you are reading this?
As you are riding the wave, if you notice your attention shifting towards the thoughts and images that are showing up, simply bring your thoughts and attention back to the physical experience.
Emotional surfing, just like real surfing, takes practice! But the good news is that because we have waves of emotion every day we have lots of opportunities to practice!
Try it out:
As soon as you notice the wave of emotion:
1) Sense where it is located in the body
2) Stay with the sensation – don’t try to push it away or avoid it or control it. Be curious. The goal is to experience the feeling. Experience the waves flow in and out.
3) Breathe – inhale into the belly and slowly exhale
4) Try putting your hand where it feels the most intense. The warmth and touch from your hand is soothing and reassuring to the nervous system.
5) Imagine softening the area – not trying to make the sensation to go away – just to hold it softly
5) Remind yourself: This is temporary. It’s ok to feel this right now. It’s normal to feel emotions.
6) Continue to feel the sensation, breathing slowly in and out, noticing the wave shift, move and fade.
And if you find it difficult, or more distressing to ride the wave on your own, that’s ok. A counsellor is trained to help guide you through emotions in a way that feels manageable for you.
Leanne Normand
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