Step 2: Name it to Tame It

In my previous post I talked about how noticing is the first step. So once we’ve paused and noticed that we’re feeling something uncomfortable, what do we do? We name it to tame it! (Thanks to Dr. Dan Seigal who coined this phrase!) We put words to what we’re feeling and by doing that we tame it – the emotion starts to settle down. 

So how does this work?! 

• Naming creates some distance between the emotions and the intense feelings that accompany it. This distance gives us a feeling of relief and a feeling of more control and instead of the emotion controlling us. This gives us an opportunity to make a choice and move toward feeling better. 

• Putting words to our feelings gives us a chance to move away from the fight or flight state and gives our frontal lobe (the part of the brain near our forehead) a chance to kick in. This is our logical, reasoning, problem-solving part of our brain. When it’s engaged we’re able to think more clearly, have more understanding of our experience and see the possibilities around us. 

Sometimes it can be really difficult to find the words to describe what we’re feeling. This is normal when our emotions are especially overwhelming or if we don’t have a lot of practice with it. If you find it difficult to put words to what you’re feeling, you can use the descriptive emotion wheel as a place to start. 

Naming our feelings can be difficult because it means we have to let ourself feel it for a few moments as we find the words. So If we’re used to distracting ourself from the uncomfortable feeling these moments of experiencing it can be quite difficult and even feel very overwhelming. In the next post I will give some tips on how to ride out that wave of emotion and let ourself sit with that feeling, even when it’s uncomfortable and intense. 

Try it out: Start with practicing naming your feelings when you’re feeling calm, happy or at ease. This will heighten your pleasant feelings and give you practice with noticing and naming.

Then try to create some distance between yourself and uncomfortable or intense feelings by saying (aloud or in your head): 

“I’m noticing that I’m having the feeling of ___”  (eg; disappointment, anger, racing heart, 

or

“I’m having thoughts that  ___” (eg; this is scary, I’m worried, I’m lonely)

or

“I’m noticing that ___” (eg; my mind is racing, my hands are trembling, I’m hungry, I’m sad, I’m mad)